oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
