Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
