he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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