Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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