Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
