please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
