I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This baby is an asshole
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
