at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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