the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
