my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
