hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
