I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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