i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
