i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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