Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
