I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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