I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
