You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
