I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
