Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
