Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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