YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
