Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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