matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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