she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
