it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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