So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
