Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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