You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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