I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
