He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
