Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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