She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
