Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
