YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
