you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
