i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
