I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
