next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
