I can't watch pbs sober anymore
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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