i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize