he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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