it was like his penis was on wheels.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
