You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
