I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize