I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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