420 ftw
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
