if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
