i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
