Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
