The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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