Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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