Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
