You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
