it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
