This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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