You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
