You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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