not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize