I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
