my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
