please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
