Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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