had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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