fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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