I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
