I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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