he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
