We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
