Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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