the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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