They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
