No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
