You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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