she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
