Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My vagina is officially offended.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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